So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
