where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
