defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
