so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
