We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
