life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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