U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
