Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
