Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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