Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize