I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
