This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
