you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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