I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
