can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
