My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
