I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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