im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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