Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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