I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
