i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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