and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
