Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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