like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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