I just gift wrapped bread.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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