saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
