This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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