I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
