i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
