..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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