oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
