Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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