halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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