So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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