so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
