You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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