sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
