Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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