i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
