You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
