I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
