Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
