what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
