I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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