It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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