ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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