mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
did you just send me my own nude
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
