look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
