roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
