The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
