At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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