a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
