talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
