Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
