i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
