Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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