we have pet lesbian snakes
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
