i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
