trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
