dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
