I bet he comes in French.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
