The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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