what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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