just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
