Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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