I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
