just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
