My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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